Analyze What?!?

A fellow blogger, Mommy Boots, decided to host a blog hop today about what our readers search for in Google to end up on our blog pages. With the help of Google Analytics, you can find out a lot about your readership, such as their geographic location, what device they read your blog from, etc. I use Blogger as my blog host, so a lot of the Google tools are already built in. There are, for example, the ‘Search Keywords’- anything people type into their Google search engines that then leads them to my blog.

Many of these are interesting, as they let you know what kind of interests are leading new readers to your site. And sometimes, the things people are looking for are bizarre and outright funny.

Unfortunately, my current list of keywords is a little drab. For a much funnier list, check out the Mommy Boots post Analyze This. Well, here’s mine anyway:

·         “Mark Nelson money schemes” – It’s actually quite ridiculous how much traffic I’ve had from a post I wrote about some spam email I got. Lots of people receive the same email and thankfully research the sender before getting involved in some shady stuff…

·         “won’t wear panties” – Ok, so this one I’m not sure about. Did someone search for this because they were having issues with their child’s potty training (which the post they found was about) or is it something more pervy. I’ll never know…

·         “daddy does daughter” – Um, I don’t even quite know what to say about this one. Gross, ew, and WTF?!? Oh, and it leads to a post I wrote about letting dads do their own thing. Which did not involve incest (just to be clear)

And, my all time favorite:

·         “pussies and fannies” – This made me so happy and makes me laugh every single time I think about it. How disappointed the searchers must have been when they found a post inspired by the nicknames my parents use for each other…

There you have it. I think I’ll have to start writing posts with random key words in them to get some more interesting traffic. I guess I could start now: mommy strippers. If you found my blog by searching this on Google, welcome!

Someone Stole My Child's Picture

It is 1:30 am. I am sitting at the computer and have to take a short break from what I’m doing because I have so many feelings running around inside of me right now that I just need to write something short about them.

Just as I got into bed earlier, I received an email from a kind man, alerting me of the fact that someone was using a picture of my son on their FB wall. I was skeptical about this, but checked it out anyway, just to be sure. I still can’t believe what I found. A man on FB- a random stranger- has posted a picture of my baby boy and is claiming that he ‘may be his’ own son.

I am shocked. I am hurt. I feel guilty and foolish and naive.

I am now in the process of eliminating every single mention of my children’s names as well as every picture of them on the Internet. I feel badly burned and will not let this happen again.

Make no mistake about it- when it comes to my children, I don’t play. I am not someone that should be underestimated. This person better fix things quickly or else there will be consequences.

Let this be a warning to all of you wonderful bloggers and FB enthusiasts- people cannot be trusted…

Update from 08/17/2012:

It has been one week and despite my numerous reports to Facebook, this strange man still has a picture of my son in one of his Facebook albums. Because I felt as though something about the whole story was just a little too fishy, I reported the incident to authorities. I don’t expect them to be able to do much and surely they have bigger fish to fry, but I felt that if something more were behind this than just the misuse of my son’s picture I would never forgive myself for not having alerted someone.

Some of you may think I’m overreacting- after all, in the high technology world we live in everyone can take pictures of my children and share them however they want all through the Internet. This incident just hit too close to home for me. I think I may post pictures of my children again some time in the future, but not until I have fully thought through all possible consequences. I am in no way suggesting any of you should stop posting pictures- I love seeing them! I just hope that we can all be aware of the possible dangers when opening our lives to the public eye.

 

The Blog Post I Took Down

I decided to take the blog post I wrote last night off of the blog. I had somehow imagined that speaking openly about a bad time in my life would make me feel better. However, instead, the thought of having everyone know about things that happened to me many years ago that not even my family members know about had me tossing and turning all night with anxiety and guilt. I have no explanation for these feelings, but there they were.

Some skeletons are better left in the closet, it seems. I apologize for any confusion and I thank all of you who commented and sent me messages. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or see me as a victim. I had some bad things happen to me, but I came out on the other side and though it is part of my past, it is not the person I am today. I am by no means an innocent person- I have done my share of wrongs in the past and have hurt many people.

So forgive me for taking the post down. I am in the process of experimenting with this blog and seeing what I am comfortable exposing. Last night’s story was not something I wanted to continue sharing and I have learned from it. Thank you for understanding!

Barely Blogging

I love writing. I love my blog. Unfortunately, I feel as though it is stuck in a hole, as if my writing hasn’t grown at all since I started blogging.

I have mostly been blogging about the things I feel most passionately about- parenting, breastfeeding, etc. However, limiting myself to this subject seems to have hindered me in my development. I continue to write about my opinions on the things I care about most without paying too much attention to the style of writing or the quality thereof. It feels as though I keep running in circles.

Furthermore, publishing so much information about myself and my family, as well as my sensitivity to criticism, have left me at times feeling naked and vulnerable. People I haven’t spoken to in a year know exactly what I’ve been up to because they were able to read it on the blog.  People I have never met think they know exactly what type of person I am, categorizing me as arrogant and self-centered. I thought I wouldn’t mind a bit of transparency in my life, but I do.

Recently, I was involved in a FB discussion (I know, I spend way too much time on there…) regarding bloggers. Someone pointed out how blogging is such a thankless job, as you spend lots of time devoted to doing it without much of a compensation (if any) Then someone chimed in saying that this didn’t always apply- there were lots of bloggers out there who are good at what they do and are making money doing it. That hit me hard. Not because I need or want money or because I need the validation, but because I am unsuccessful at what I have been doing.

Since my blogging journey began, I have seen many new bloggers emerge. Some of them kind of gave up again. Others now have incredibly successful blogs. They are paid to do this. They are asked to write for other websites and are compensated accordingly. All the while, I am still doing the same thing I did three years ago (or however long it has been) with the exact same results and hardly any readers.

I tried to tell myself that not everyone can be successful. Just like e.g. in the world of music, some people never make it big despite having incredible talent (sometimes I think that my singing is actually miles better than my writing, but that’s another story) I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, that the others were just lucky. The truth is: I haven’t tried hard enough! I haven’t progressed, I haven’t bettered myself. I have let my writing fall into a casual style, charged with emotions and opinions.

It’s hard to admit that my blog is not good. I try to cling to the few voices who have given me heart felt praise, telling myself that at least some of the time, my writing is pretty decent.

Please don’t mistake this for a pity-party or some sort of scheme to fish for compliments. There are none needed and I know what the reality is. I am also not going to announce that I will stop blogging altogether.

With our impending move to Florida, I feel as though the change that is in the air should be allowed to take affect on more than just our location. I want to try to get away from the writing I have been doing and start to really challenge myself and work at this. I have a few ideas that are simmering in my head that will hopefully help me to improve my writing and my blog. Please stay tuned!

Sunday Blog Hop: The 30 Word Story

I just remembered that I wrote something for a writing contest a while back that I never ended up submitting. The challenge was to tell a story in exactly 30 words.

So then I just had the fabulous idea of making it a blog hop! Blogger friends, do any of you feel like writing a story- it can be about anything and everything you want- in precisely 30 words? If so, please link up below.

Here is mine. Let’s call it “Motherhood”

She bore him of her womb. She fed him from her breasts. She clothed him, kept him warm. She taught him. She loved him. He left. She was utterly alone.

My 200th Post or What the Hell Am I Doing Here?

Wow! This is the 200^th post I’ve published on here. Over the past 2 ½ years I have had almost 21,000 page views. Unbelievable! I somehow feel as though this post should be something spectacular, something very meaningful. I had fantasies about writing a short story so you guys (I use this term in a unisex kind of way…) could read some of my fiction.

All I can come up with tonight is the question of ‘What the hell am I doing here???’ I love writing, I love my blog, but really, why am I doing this? Writing these posts has exposed so much of myself, leaving me vulnerable. I get criticized frequently. I get misunderstood even more often. And every single time I try to explain myself, to justify what I’ve written. I’ve even alienated people, who have either become annoyed by my posts or angry with me.

Tonight, I’m not sure why I do it. I feel drained by it. I feel as though a lot of people think I’m a joke. Because who writes a blog? Only losers, right? You don’t even get paid!

I used to tell myself that if at least one person’s life is touched by a post I have written that it has been worth doing. I have received a few notes of thanks by people who felt encouraged by my posts. But overall, is it really truly worth it?

The thing is, I’m no expert on any of the subjects I write about (except my life- I’m quite the expert on that…) I have read a lot about parenting and I do it daily, but so do most other parents. People have called me arrogant, full of myself, saying that I think I’ve got it all figured out.

You’re wrong, people! I know nothing. Every day I get up and hope that I can find the energy within me somewhere to do this whole parenting thing over again. One more day, until bed time. And the entire day I’m winging it because my children challenge me all the way. My brain goes into overload thinking about what I ‘know’ in theory vs. what I am actually doing.

Then some days, I have moments of clarity and I feel as though I’ve figured one little minute detail out. And I feel like sharing it with everyone! I tell my husband and he kinda sorta cares, but not really. So I blog about it and hope that my snippets of crazy thoughts make sense to someone and help them make sense of their own craziness.

But when I am by myself, like I am now, it all seems pointless and wasted. I should be cleaning or studying or doing something to make myself look pretty or… Instead, I’m fighting windmills.

In the grand scheme of things, I know nothing. I know what ‘the truth’ is for myself and possibly my close family and that’s as far as it goes. I used to think that I knew a lot, but now I know that I’m just like one of the people who knew that the world was flat.

So forgive me, but I have no answer to the question of what I am doing here. Truth be told, I hardly have any answers at all.

Blogging Funk

I love writing my blog. It is such a release for me to get at least some of my thoughts out of my head and onto (virtual) paper. Though I do enjoy the actual writing immensely, I am a little lost at the moment when it comes to the popularity of my posts.

In all honesty, I am not too concerned with the number of followers I have, etc. I realize that my blog is rather eclectic and opinionated, which does not fit into main stream interests. However, I do want to write things that will interest the people who like and read my blog. Recently, I haven’t been terribly successful in doing that.

I’m just confused as to what you want to read and what you’re interested in. My most popular post by far has been a very controversial one (if you are interested in reading it, click here) While I am more than capable of writing similar posts, I am not sure if that is desirable. The before mentioned post lost me one of my friends- I would rather not have another situation like that arise. On the other hand, I have kept my posts pretty mild lately, and I’m wondering if my readers have gotten a little bored.

I wish I could look into your minds and figure out what you would like. Or maybe I am approaching the whole thing from the wrong angle and should instead look to what it is that I really want to write about?

I don’t know. This whole blogging business confuses me a lot. It doesn’t help that I tend to over think things…

Thoughts, anyone?