Foreigner Friday: At the Post Office

I used to hate going to the post office. In fact, if I could avoid it in any way, I would! You see, in Germany, things are a bit different than in the southern US (can’t speak for other areas) Germans, especially those in Frankfurt, are more impatient and generally a little on the pissed off side.

A typical visit to the post office would go like this: Circle around, trying to find somewhere to park. Enter the PO, hoping there won’t be a million people in there. Bump the line of people with the door because it is just that long. Argue with the person you bumped because he/she feels you really should have known that he/ she was standing there. Somehow find a way to squeeze into the line. Wait for about a thousand hours.

During the wait, EVERYONE in line is grumbling and complaining. The people are like an angry mob. People are shaking their heads in disapproval, clicking their tongues, tapping their feet, etc. You can feel it getting hotter in there. Someone speaks out: “I can’t believe this is taking so long! What an impertinence! Why do they only have two people working? TWO!?!” General agreement from the rest of the people in line. The mob grows angry…

Finally, the next person gets their turn. Unfortunately, he didn’t fill out the right form and has to do so now while everyone shoots hateful stares at him. “He could have filled that out when he was in line! Now we have to wait even longer!” “Why don’t you mind your own business!” And an argument develops. If you’re lucky, you get to see some pushing, etc.

It’s finally your turn in line. The person behind the counter won’t even greet you or look at you to acknowledge your existence. He/ she complains about something or other while serving you, such as having a headache, being burdened with too much work, or something else you really aren’t interested in hearing as a customer. The specific stamps you came to purchase have been sold out, but you can come back another day and check back.

As you try to make your way back out into freedom, the line of people behaves more like a wall, reluctant to move even the slightest to let other people through. You finally make it through the door and swear to never come back again.

When I moved to the US, I was scared to go into the post office, but there came the day when it was no longer avoidable. I entered after comfortably parking my car in the parking lot and nervously took in the line of people, preparing myself for the bickering and complaining. And then came the surprise: there was none! Nobody said a word about having to wait. Nobody became pissed off. There were no bad words said. In fact, people in line made pleasant conversation with each other to pass the time. It was almost fun.

Of course, they also didn’t have the specific product I came to buy. But I hadn’t expected them to.

Foreigner Friday: The Love of Guns

It’s been ages since I’ve written a Foreigner Friday post. I have no explanation or excuse other than my lack of inspiration. However, quite a few of you lovely readers have expressed the wish for me to write another one and of course I cannot resist. Let me start this one off by saying that I don’t intend to piss anyone off or cause major uproar- these are just my European views of the way things are in America…

I’ve lived in the US for almost five years now and one thing I just can’t wrap my head around is guns. I come from a big city in Germany and guns just weren’t present- nobody had them, nobody talked about them, they were just a non-issue. It’s not that guns are illegal in Germany- you can own a gun if you get a permit. It’s just that nobody WANTS to own a gun. I think in the 28 years I lived in Europe I knew two people who owned a gun, one of whom was a collector, the other a criminal who is now in prison.

Don’t get me wrong, I think shooting is fun. It requires a lot of concentration and precision and is a great stress reliever. And I would fully trust myself and my husband with a gun. But other people? Not so much. I don’t like the idea that pretty much any person above a certain age can legally purchase a gun here, the main reason being that I don’t trust people. People can’t figure out which form to fill out at the post office or when to use their blinker in the car- do they really need a gun?!?

And people don’t just have guns here. They LOVE them! They collect them and go to shows and conventions and join clubs and associations. They dress their tiny children in combat gear and let them hold a huge deadly weapon to take a picture that they find ‘cute’. When tragedies happen (again and again), like the one today, people are up in arms (I hope you appreciate the pun) defending their guns. ‘It’s not the guns’ fault!’ or ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people!’- which are both true. I could also say that atom bombs don’t kill people, people kill people- that doesn’t mean that everyone should have atom bombs readily available to them. Also, since it is the people who are the killers, do we really want to make their task easier and faster by giving them effortless access to guns?

I get it- the Second Amendment protects gun ownership. The Bill of Rights is a crucial part of the US Constitution and I have studied it extensively during my time at university. I just think that maybe it would be useful to look at the structure of the US in 1789 vs. today. We have police now. And the biggest military force in the world. All territories within the US have been ‘discovered’ and there is no more unknown frontier, no more Wild West.

Many people say that they want to own a gun for protection. Others want it for hunting. I find both of these reasons absolutely understandable and justified. However, I do not understand why people are against having some sort of license to own a gun. You need a license to FISH- and I don’t mean the crazy dynamite kind, I mean the innocent throw-your-hook-in-the-water kind. As my idol Judge Judy said: “You have to take a test to give a pedicure! […] But you can go and buy a lethal weapon, including an assault rifle, with nothing more than your driver’s license.”

After all, I guess that’s what Europeans don’t understand about the love of guns here- they are lethal weapons. They’re not like knives that serve lots of other useful purposes. A gun’s sole purpose is to injure or kill a living being. I am always painfully aware that e.g. the person who I had a disagreement with over a parking spot could be a nutcase with a gun. In my case- and I think it’s the same for a lot of Europeans here- guns everywhere don’t make me feel safer, they make me feel more afraid of my fellow humans.

Foreigner Friday: Pussy Cats and Fannies

Our pussies

I’ve been in the US for so long now that I hardly notice the differences in language anymore. In case you are unaware, American English is quite different from British, Irish, or Australian English. Not just the accent is different, word meanings vary, as do pronunciations.

I think I have adapted well. Most people here have no idea where I’m from. I have learned to say ‘tomato’ and ‘water’ in a manner in which a waitress can understand me. Some words still come out the old way, though, such as the name ‘Peter’- people always give me weird looks when they hear me say it.

Thankfully, there are still situations in which I am reminded of my origin, often in a comic way. I have been known to talk about a pair of ‘trousers’ by mistake, puzzling my fellow conversationalists who only know the garment in question as ‘pants’. Now, ‘pants’ refer to underwear in GB and Ireland, so when I go back to Europe I have to remember to switch back to ‘trousers’ to avoid complications.

My parents are visiting from Europe at the moment. It is hilarious! People gawk at them everywhere we go, trying to figure out their accent. And my parents try hard to understand the southern American accent people here have. It works out, for the most part. Until they start talking about pussies. Of course, what they mean are cats. And of course what everyone else thinks of when they hear this is something a little less innocent.

My husband has had to leave the room before because he was about to burst out laughing at all the pussy talk. My mother doesn’t shy away from saying things like: “Isn’t Feebee a lovely pussy? Why don’t you give the pussy a cuddle…” And unfortunately, over thirty years ago my parents decided that ‘pussy’ would be a good pet name for my mother. Are you laughing yet? If not, I’m afraid it gets worse… My father’s pet name is- brace yourselves- ‘beaver’. Pussy and beaver have very interesting conversations, as you can imagine.

Something that puzzled me greatly for a long time was the word ‘fanny’. In Europe, it refers to the private parts of a lady, basically the equivalent of ‘pussy’. When I got to the states, people were very lax with this word, using it freely in conversation. Even the theme song of an annoying TV series talks about someone being kicked out and landing on her fanny. I always thought of this as extremely inappropriate. Especially the fanny pack was a mystery to me… Until I found out the meaning of the word here; it eased my mind greatly.

Dear Americans, if you’re in Europe and someone asks you for a fag, they don’t want you to give them a homosexual. And, if you’re in Ireland and you’re asked if you would like to come out and have some ‘good crack’, they are not referring to the cocaine but rather ‘craic’, which is an Irish word for fun…

In the mean time, I will try to prevent my child from starting to use the word 'pussy'. It's a shame, really- who doesn't like cats?

Foreigner Friday: Turning Right on Red

Today I would like to share with you some of my thoughts on driving in the US. For those of you who do not know me, I love to drive! Granted, with two kids in the car it’s not quite as much fun as it used to be, but I still enjoy it. I would consider myself a good driver- if you exclude driving backwards, which I am awful at.

In Germany, it is ridiculously difficult to get a drivers license. You have to go through a driving school (Fahrschule)- there are no learner’s permits or kids being taught how to drive by their parents- and you have to be at least 18 years old. There is a set number of theoretical and practical hours that you have to absolve in order for you to be eligible to take the driver’s tests. There is one written theoretical exam as well as an extensive practical exam, in which you have to drive around town for around an hour in unknown terrain while being evaluated by an impartial (and usually very lovely and good natured- I’m being sarcastic) inspector who decides whether you get a license or not. The whole ordeal costs the average student around $2.000.

I was unable to afford the steep German prices. When I first came to the States in 2001 I was 22 years old and without a license. For a whopping $15, I got a Georgia license after taking a quick multiple choice exam, which I passed on my first try without having studied for it, and a 15 minute drive around the DMV parking lot.

Now, if you compare these two roads of license acquisition, I’m sure you will admit that the German one is probably slightly harder. Therefore (and because I have witnessed it first hand) I am concluding that the Germans are also better drivers.

Germans are very strict when it comes to rules, including rules of the road. Here? Not so much! As an example, let’s consider the rule that you may only pass on the left. In Germany, nobody would ever dare to pass another car in the right lane. I distinctly remember this happening when I was a child and there being so many horns blown by all the surrounding drivers that I was really impressed. Actually, it’s quite possible that they have the death penalty for such behavior. In South Carolina, everybody passes where they want to. Slow cars don’t keep right, they just drift around to wherever they feel they would like to be, and the other drivers just have to find a way to get around them. At first, I though it was fine to just pass wherever you wanted. I then learned that the law for passing is actually the same here…

I tried to get myself accustomed to the traffic laws here, but missed a few bits of information here and there. E.g. passing a school bus. I was driving along one day in 2001 when a school bus stopped in front of me on a country road. So, without thinking twice, I sped up and passed it on the left, nearly taking with me the Stop sign that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Ooooh, the people were mad! They honked and swore and shook their fists at me. Honestly, I had no idea what they were going on about. Until I spoke to someone who explained the law to me…

Turning right on red has been one of my favorite rules in the US. What an awesome concept! I just wish someone had explained to me that I can’t just go if there is nobody coming my way. I didn’t realize I still had to make a stop, even if it is safe to turn. You live, you learn.

Here is one bad thing about German drivers licenses: they don’t expire. Even if the person is 92 years old- like my grandmother was- they can still insist on driving- which my grandmother did. I don’t think I have to elaborate on why this is not such a good idea. If you are ever driving in Germany, beware of old men driving wearing hats.

Even though driving in the US is a little more chaotic, it is still enjoyable. At least it’s not insane driving like in some European countries I’ve been. Americans just have a different attitude towards the driving process. It’s like the people are in their living rooms- eating, drinking, smoking, talking on the phone, watching DVDs, reading, etc. Germans have no patience for such behavior- as with everything else, driving is a very serious business and there is no time for nonsense. (Insert smiley face here)

Foreigner Friday: On Being Homesick

I have been in South Carolina for 3 ½ years now. I really like it. And it has finally started to feel like I belong here, like I’m not some crazy alien creature that is trying to fit in. Admittedly, the first few years were very strange and I always felt as though I was on vacation. Or in some bizarre movie. That still happens every once in a while when I find myself in a place where nothing seems familiar, but it’s not the norm anymore.

Coming here was far from easy. We had to go through a lot of steps, including a sworn testimony in which I had to attest to the fact that I had never killed any Jews in WWII, etc. (Just a side note: If I had been e.g. a communist, I would not have been allowed to enter the country) I also was subjected to medical tests for all kinds of illnesses and had to get all my shots renewed, including a vaccine for Chickenpox, which I had already had as a child… Last but not least, the whole deal cost us quite a few Dollars.

Somehow, people are shocked when I tell them about the complicated process. The usual response is: “But you’re married to an American! Doesn’t that make you an American citizen???” Um, no. Quite far from it, actually. Can you imagine how many new American citizens there would be each year if it were that easy? I think four years from now I will be eligible to apply for US citizenship, if I wish to do so.

Even though I love it here and it is now my home, I still get pangs of homesickness for Europe. I suppose that this is normal- people tend to miss the things they are accustomed to and most familiar with. Most of all, I miss my family and friends. I wish everyone knew what a luxury it is to have family close by (provided they get along with them…)

I hope people understand that for every person who emigrated here, it is an adjustment. Even if it is a financial gain (which does not apply in my case), it is hard to be away from home. Not all the time, but some times.

Some days I look at my kids and think of how sad it is that my parents, my brothers, and everyone else I left behind is missing my children’s development. My parents still have not seen my son, who is now already four months old. Thank God there are affordable flights available now. Along with technology like digital cameras, Skype, etc. Imagine how it must have been for people who came to the US just a hundred years ago.

Even though this is my home now, I still get homesick for what I left behind. With my parents and in-laws living on two separate continents, no matter where we end up we will be apart from at least half of our family. It can be rough, but we knew that when we decided to get married. In 1 ½ years, when my husband retires from the Army, we will move somewhere new. Hopefully, this place will be our permanent residence, the place where we will all feel at home.

Foreigner Friday: Coyotes and Armadillos and Alligators, Oh My!

When I first moved to the States, I became fascinated by the wildlife here. It is fabulous, but also sometimes a little scary. Not only is the climate very different, the entire flora and fauna are still a total mystery to me. There are so many plants and animals here that I have never seen before.

Living in SC, we have pretty much everything that creeps and crawls- nasty insects, huge spiders (I have a bad case of arachnophobia), venomous snakes, weird looking mega rats that are called Opossums with a silent ‘O’, etc. They are not just hidden away and you have a vague idea of their existence. They are everywhere you go. I remember finding the skin of a rattlesnake in our mailbox one morning- I have since learned never to stick my hand into anywhere without looking first...

I went for a walk in a nearby state park with my dog. The further I got from the main path, the scarier and more unfamiliar it got. I felt like I was an explorer, making my way across undiscovered terrain. I sometimes wonder how it must have been for the settlers from Europe to arrive here and be confronted with all of these strange creatures. Can you imagine seeing an armadillo for the first time, not knowing of its existence? It must have been very scary.

Wildlife in Europe has become almost extinct. Some species are recovering from their near eradication, others are gone for good. I suppose that’s the price you pay for very dense population. So any time you saw anything remotely wild in Germany, it was a very big deal and extremely exciting. I remember coming across a small snake in the woods (non-venomous, of course; there is only one venomous snake native to Germany and its venom only causes slight discomfort…) and having a huge gathering of people around it, thrilled to find something so fascinating on their walk.

In South Carolina, people aren’t that excited about finding wildlife. I sometimes tell people in a thrilled voice about the coyotes and alligators that can be found in the reserve just down the road. They are usually confused by my enthusiasm. I think it’s fabulous! I can’t wait to show my parents when they come in the spring.

The US has so many beautiful spots. Americans are very lucky to have so much room and so many different climates. Your country is so vast that you can literally find any type of living environment you could wish for. My wish is that people will start to understand how lucky they are to have such an amazingly spectacular country to live in and that they will appreciate all the wildlife in it, protecting it from any harm. I hope we can preserve this natural beauty for all the generations to come!

Foreigner Friday: You've Got A Fast Car

Americans love their cars. And they spend so much more time in them than people in Europe. A lot of my friends back home don’t even own cars- they just use public transportation. The US is so vast that a good network of public transportation is not realistic. Big cities like New York have great subways and busses, but when you get to Columbia, SC you really do need a car if you want to get out of the house.

Cars are so much bigger here. It seems that as soon as you have kids you MUST own a van or an SUV. My husband convinced me to get one, too, but I would never have chosen to own one. They are practical, of course. They are just so awful for the environment. Now that I have my second child, I am very glad my husband convinced me to buy the bigger vehicle. These kids need so much stuff that we have a hard time fitting everything into our SUV…

I gave my husband the whole speech: “When I was a child, we just had a very small car and all five of us fit in it. We didn’t even have air conditioning! And this is how we drove the 14 hours to France for our vacation. Children nowadays are so spoiled!”, etc. (And then we walked to school in the snow without shoes on, uphill both ways…) Then I remembered that sitting in the back seat, cramped in with my two annoying brothers while sweating my behind off was really no fun. I’d be willing to bet that those trips were no fun for my parents, either. This is why I agreed to buy a bigger car.

My husband is a car lover. At the moment, we have four cars at our house, two of them old VW Beetles he is working on. So one day he decided that he would really love to own a sporty fast car. We talked about it for a long time and I was not happy about the idea. What wooed me was when he said: “I promise, it’s the last thing I’ll ever want!” with a puppy dog look on his face. So, even though I knew that that wasn’t true, I agreed.

He purchased this beautiful 2008 VW R32. Looks like a regular Golf, but will take your socks right off when you drive it. It is beautiful, I love it! I wish I could be the one who drives it every day. (For those of you who do not know me well, I take great pleasure in driving fast)

Here’s what I don’t get: Why do you need a fast car in SC where the maximum speed you are legally allowed to reach on the Highway is 70mph (for my European friends, that is an extremely slow 110kmh)? There are so many people who are driving these beautiful sporty cars with real muscle that can accelerate at tremendous speeds, only to reach their climax at 70. In my opinion, that is a total waste. 

In my defense, I’m used to the beautiful German Autobahn, on which in a lot of places you can go whatever speed you feel is safe. Late at night when there is nobody else on the road, a safe speed can easily be around 120mph, 200kmh. I miss that very much! Not that the crappy old car I used to have was able to go that fast, but I had the great fortune of driving other people’s cars every once in a while.

Maybe some day we’ll get to take the R32 out for a real joy ride. Until then I just hope that I never get caught speeding. It really is a compulsion, I can’t help myself. Maybe the police officer who pulls me over will have some compassion when I tell him that I’m from Germany…

Foreigner Friday: How Are Y'all Doin' Today?

Some people may have taken my previous posts the wrong way, thinking I am being overly critical of their country. I hope this post will prove that this is not the case. To tell you the truth, I love it here.

I have the wonderful privilege of living in the South. Some cultural differences are difficult for me to handle and some I have become very fond of. I have to say that my favorite thing about living here is the warmth and politeness of the people. I love it! No matter where you go out in public, there is bound to be someone who will greet you politely and ask you how you’re doing. It’s fantastic!

I used to live in Frankfurt, Germany. It is the financial capital of Europe, full of bankers and the likes. It may possibly be one of the most unfriendly places on earth. After having lived in the US for a while, I returned to my home town with a smile on my face. It was usually not returned. I'm quite sure some people thought I had lost it. I have gotten in the habit of excusing myself when passing someone at the supermarket and did the same in Germany. I confused a lot of people. The norm is to just push your way to wherever you need to go and then get back out as quickly as you can. So, at the grocery store, you may be looking at a particular shelf. Another person who does not wish to wait for you to finish looking will basically pop in between you and the shelf and get what they want. Not the politest, but that’s how it is.

Here in Columbia, people are just genuinely friendly. They will ask you how your day has been, comment on the cuteness of your baby, and send you off with a smile. It’s fantastic!

Even when Andy and I went to New York City, prepared for some major rudeness and gruff people, we were shocked by how friendly and forthcoming the people there were. I remember one particular instance in which we were sitting outside Rockefeller Center, just looking at a map of the city. An older couple approached us and asked us if we needed directions. What a kind gesture!

I can hear all my German friends already: But the friendliness is only superficial. So? To be quite frank, I couldn’t care less what the cashier at the store thinks about me. It’s not like I’m trying to marry him/ her. I want him or her to be friendly and bag my stuff for me, then wish me a nice day. (Grocery stores in Germany don’t have baggers- you have to do it all yourself. And pay for the bags…) At the store I used to go to most frequently in Germany, the cashier would always tell me that she couldn’t wait to get off work and that she had a headache. Nobody wants to hear that.

Americans are wonderfully polite people. Southerners are the masters of politeness. I thoroughly enjoy it and am trying to learn how to be more like them. I can now almost convincingly ask “How are y’all doin' today?”

Foreigner Friday: So Sue me!

My kids are both sick, we had a rough night and are having a rough day. I still feel as though I should write a little something- to lighten my own mood and hopefully yours…

Outside America, people amuse themselves reading about the most ridiculous US lawsuits they can find. It is not too terribly hard to find them- it appears as though people love to sue each other here. After I moved to the States, I started working for an insurance company. I was surprised to find that people really do sue each other over the silliest things and that if you are not careful you could lose all that you own over such nonsense. Because they don’t sue for just a few thousand Dollars, it’s usually hundreds of thousands, even millions. (A while ago, a man tried to sue Bank of America for their bad customer service. He wanted 1,784 billion, trillion Dollars. His case was dismissed…)

Let’s look at a few of my favorite examples. There is the famous lady who sued McDonald’s after spilling coffee in her own lap because it was hot. There is the burglar who got trapped in the garage of the house he was robbing, had to live off Pepsi and dog food until the owners returned from vacation, then sued their homeowner’s insurance for his pain and suffering. And, my absolute number one, the lady who sued the furniture store she was shopping in after she tripped and fell over a toddler, breaking her ankle. It was her own child. Not only did these people find lawyers who were willing to represent them, then a court who would hear it, they all actually WON and were awarded lots of money!

It seems as though people do not want to accept that unpleasant things just happen sometimes. They want somebody else to be responsible and pay for it. I don’t know where this mentality comes from, but it’s scary. It makes you have to carefully consider what you are willing to do for other people because there is a chance that you could get sued and lose everything you own.

As an example, I was considering donating breast milk to a baby in need. This can be done through a milk bank, but a lot of people are unable to afford the cost. So there are ways of privately sharing your milk with someone. I was lying in bed the other night and started thinking about the risk involved for myself and my family. Let’s just assume my freezer malfunctioned without my knowing it, spoiling the milk. The baby I donated it to got terribly sick from the spoiled milk. The people I donated to would probably sue me. I tried to find out online about the liability risk involved when milk sharing. It is a grey area; someone even called it a “legal nightmare”. So, I probably will not put my family in jeopardy, even though I would love to help a baby in need. Isn’t that sad?

Of course, everybody will assure you that they would never sue you. But you cannot believe them! Because over the course of the last few decades, people have sued everybody imaginable over every stupid thing under the sun. That’s why every piece of equipment you buy carries some sort of warning label. When I look at my child’s car seat, I almost have a hard time seeing the color of the fabric because the company is warning me of every possible scenario in which I could use their seat the wrong way- in two languages. That takes up a lot of room. Honestly, I’m so grateful they told me not to place my child in the car seat and leave him at the edge of a high surface because he may fall. I would not have been able to think of that on my own…

In conclusion, I think that this sue craziness should end. It’s ruining fun things for all of us! It makes the things I buy ugly with all the warning labels. Take some responsibility, people. If you smoke, it’s your own fault. Don’t sue the cigarette company for it, they didn’t make you do it. If you didn’t know it was bad for your health, then that’s your problem. Leave the courts alone with your rubbish. Unfortunately, as my favorite TV judge, Judge Judy, would say: “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” I guess there will always be people with no common sense who need to sue. Here’s hoping they leave me and my family alone…

Foreigner Friday: The F-Word

I am going to make a very generalized statement:  Americans use a lot of profanity. Especially a certain four letter word that starts with ‘F’. I’m not saying that people in other countries cuss less- the Irish, British and Australians are quite capable in that area- but the Americans seem to be the masters. Germans really do not use profanity that often. If something bad happens, they usually will let out a “Scheisse!” (shit) for you, but that’s really as bad as it gets.

Please bear in mind that I am married to a man who has been in the Army for over 18 years. Before I moved to the States I actually believed that every American used the F-word about twenty times per sentence like my husband and his soldiers did. I was glad to find out that this was not the case. But an occasional “fuck” escapes almost every mouth in America every once in a while.

I actually don’t mind that at all. I’m quite fond of the word myself and have gotten accustomed to using it frequently- something I have to reverse now that I have children. So why do Americans not just embrace it and use it without shame? I’m not quite sure. Really, all you’re trying to say when you use this word as an expletive is that something is not going your way at all and you are displeased. It loses its original sexual meaning completely. (For those of you who would enjoy a good laugh, check out what Mirriam-Webster’s Learner’s Dictionary tells foreigners trying to learn English about the use of this wonderful word http://www.learnersdictionary.com/search/fuck[1])

And so, my wonderful friend the F-word is replaced by “frigging”, in hopes of cleaning up the language. I have heard teenagers and adults use it in place of the evil word, which is of course silly, since we all know what they really want to say. I’m sure you will be pleased to know that this word is not just an innocent replacement for “fuck”. The verb “to frig” actually means to masturbate or to copulate. I wonder how many of you will continue to use it now…

Of course, the F-word is not the only bad word people use. There’s so much more profanity out there, I don’t even want to attempt making a list for you. Let’s just say that I occasionally use other forms of frowned-upon language when something goes wrong for me. My daughter was running around our yard a few weeks ago and stepped in dog poop. I was very angry, but I kept my mouth in check, only an “Oh no!!!” escaped my lips. However, my baby was a little more outspoken, screaming: “God damn it! God damn it!”, about ten times. It made the situation hilarious for me, but I believe my husband and I have been watching our words a lot more closely since then. Such an incident has not been repeated, thankfully.

The confusing part about all the cussing is that even though almost everyone does it, nobody wants to acknowledge this fact and there is a lot of censorship in this country. Which is, of course, completely ridiculous if you take a moment to think about it. When you’re watching a show on TV and someone says: “Mother-bleeeep-“, I am certain that we all know exactly what that person was saying. Who are we fooling? Do you think our children won’t know these words because they’re bleeped out on television and in music? We all know that that is utopian. Our children are going to take just as much pleasure using foul language as we did. They will probably know the F-word by the time they are in elementary school.

So I say to you, my dear readers, fuck it! Cuss away and enjoy the fierceness of the F-word and all its friends. After all, as Jack Kerouac put it: “…, fuck being a dirty word that comes out clean.”

Foreigner Friday: I'm European, Not Stupid

One of my great friends suggested I start writing about life in the US from the perspective of a foreigner. I think I'll give that a go, actually. Not sure whether it will turn out to be a funny bit or serious. Either way, please don't get offended.

As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I was born and raised in Germany by an Irish mother and a German father. My mother couldn't speak much German, so English was the language that was spoken in our home, and therefore is my first. I can be considered completely bilingual, which is quite rare, but extremely useful. I also majored in American Studies at university, a mix of American literature, linguistics, history, etc. What I'm trying to say is: I know my English fairly well. Back in the day I actually thought I would like to be a linguist some day. Life got in the way of that plan, but I'll leave that story for another day.

So, in 2007 I married my super fabulous husband and we moved to the US. South Carolina, to be specific. I had lived in the US before in 2001/2002 (long story), but only briefly. I like it here. There are many things that are fabulous, some not so much, just like in almost any other country I've been. And when I'm asked where I'm from, I reply "Europe". Because it's much easier than explaining the whole German/ Irish thing. Most of the time, people are satisfied with that answer and move on. However, some people want further information. This is where I sometimes get annoyed.

Let's say I've been having a nice conversation with another mother at a play date. We get on the topic of where I'm from and she learns that I grew up in Germany. Even though she has obviously heard me speak English perfectly fine, she starts suddenly speaking v e r y  s l o w l y  to me, as if I'm an idiot. I try to explain that my mother made sure we spoke only English in our home, etc., but this information is completely lost on my conversation partner. Sometimes I can't help but make a snide remark about English actually originating in Europe. I usually do not become friends with these people...

Then there are the somewhat rare specimens who ask about Germany as if it were a place that never left the 19th century. "Do y'all have rollercoasters in Germany?", "These are what we call 'strawberries'. Have you eaten strawberries before?" As you can imagine, these conversations are actually quite amusing. The best question I was ever asked was by a man in Indiana, who honestly wanted to know if I had flown over or driven. I believe I was too stunned to speak. I'm sure he thought I couldn't speak English very well...