Feminist Fairytales: Little Red Riding Hood

Fairytales irritate me terribly. Most of the classics portray women as naïve idiots, not worth mentioning unless they are beautiful or evil. I would love my daughter to grow up with stories that feature powerful, intelligent women, so she can have role models that have actually achieved something besides looking pretty.

My goal is to re-write some of the classics and change the story around to what it would be if the heroines were smart and strong. Unfortunately, a lot of the stories would be incredibly short, but I’ll do my best to make them a little humorous. And if you feel like writing your own little feminist fairytale, please join me for my Monthly Writing Challenge!

Photo by jkettn, stock.xchng

Once upon a time, there was a sweet little girl who lived with her mother on the edge of a forest. Her name was Little Red Riding Hood. Hood’s grandmother was very ill, so she and her mother decided to bake a cake for the poor granny. After they finished the cake, they gathered some other treats together- wine, chocolate, and some sandwiches- so Hood could deliver them to her granny who lived a couple of miles away in the woods.

“Now, sweetie, don’t forget to stay on the path. You never want to get off the path when you’re in the forest! And watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. Remember what I told you about him- he’s a tricky one with big ears and a big nose, etc. Just overall big with lots of hair. If he bothers you, you know what to do.”

“Mother, I wish you didn’t worry so much. I will go straight to granny’s house.”

Off went Little Hood into the deep, dark forest. She was enjoying the exercise, singing to herself and admiring the scenery. Suddenly, she saw the shape of someone up ahead on the path. She prepared herself.

“Hello, little girl! Where are you going to all by yourself?”

“I am going to visit my grandmother to bring her some goodies. She hasn’t been feeling well.”

“Ah, how interesting. Where exactly does your grandmother live?”

“She lives right down this path in the clearing.”

“Little girl, I think you should take your time on this beautiful day and enjoy the forest. Look down there, off the path: there are so many beautiful flowers to pick. Maybe you could even make a bouquet for your grandmother”, suggested the wolf, who was coming up with a plan that would allow him to eat the grandmother as well as Little Hood.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Wolf, but I have no time to lose. I do not wish to go off the path and really must continue my journey now.”

The wolf sneered at her: “Well, in that case, I’m just going to have to gobble you up!”

Little Red Riding Hood, without batting an eye, put down the basket of goodies, pulled out her sword and chopped the wolf’s head off. Hood’s mother had taught her how to defend herself from an early age.

She continued down the path to her granny’s house, who was overjoyed to see her lovely granddaughter. They enjoyed cake together while they chatted. After granny had had some wine and chocolate, she felt much better and went out to find the wolf’s corpse. She skinned him and made a nice rug for her sitting room.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Dear Dr Pepper, What The?!?

So, I’m sitting at home, watching ESPN with my husband, when a commercial catches my eye. It is a commercial for Dr Pepper Ten. Have you seen this, dear ladies? Here is the plot: Some men are driving around an action movie in a Jeep-type vehicle, drinking a soda. The man with the soda is telling the camera about what men want, amongst these things is said ‘manly’ beverage. He mentions that women can keep their romantic comedies, etc. to themselves and then, the new slogan pops out of his mouth and onto the screen: “It’s not for women”

My jaw literally dropped. I had to re-watch the commercial to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. Have the people at the Dr Pepper Snapple Group lost their minds? Did they just honestly tell me that one of their drinks is made to be consumed solely by men? How is this ok with everyone?

Let’s look at this rationally. The product they are selling is a soft drink. A soda pop. A carbonated beverage. Water with some artificial flavors, colors, and caffeine mixed in. And somehow, it is more masculine than other drinks. You’re probably just as confused as I was at this point.

As I just found out, diet sodas are mainly consumed by women. Therefore, Dr Pepper had the brilliant idea to make a light soda that will appeal to male consumers as well. They did not decide to do this subtly, like their competition Coke Zero or Pepsi Max, through ads that are marginally sexist, but instead went full steam ahead and are blatantly saying that this particular drink was produced for the sole consumption by men. Not because there is anything in the soda that wouldn’t be suitable for females to drink, but because they are trying to target a new market.

Well, dear Dr Pepper people, I received your message loud and clear! I will never again purchase one of your beverages- the men of this world can have every single one of them. Please know that I will also not be buying the sodas for anyone else in my household, including the two males. Furthermore, I will let every woman I know not to purchase any more of your artificial crap drinks because clearly we women are not important consumers in your opinion.

My husband doesn’t quite understand why I’m upset. It’s just a joke, they’re just kidding. They’re not doing any harm by saying these things. A few years ago, I may have agreed with him. Because I consider myself a strong woman who is more than able to take a good joke. The problem is that this isn’t a good joke, or even a mediocre one. It’s not witty, it’s not imaginative, it’s just blatantly in bad taste.

When football is on TV, it is all testosterone on the set. There are countless other companies who make fun of women or feminine traits. I just watched a commercial for Miller Light in which one of the male beer drinkers is being accused of having done something ‘unmanly’. Again, my husband doesn’t understand my disgust with such tomfoolery, such 'innocent' banter.

What exactly does ‘unmanly’ mean? If something is not manly, it is womanly. So, if being ‘unmanly’ is undesirable that means that being womanly is undesirable. It means that being a woman or feminine is not as good. It is not worth as much.

I live in a world in which there is supposed equality, which of course is completely untrue. In my world, my church is controlled exclusively by men- women are not allowed to be priests or anything else of importance. In my world, I have never had a female as my highest boss- they have always been men. In my world, there are things that women ‘just don’t do’ because it is not socially acceptable. In my world, there has never been a female president of the USA. In my world, there has to be a Women’s History Month because every other month is reserved for men’s history. In my world, most sports on television are played by men, with women not even allowed to participate.

There is no equality. In my honest opinion, most men feel superior to us women. As you all know, we make up more than 50% of the world’s population! Why are we letting this happen? It is a mystery to me. Either way, in my world, there will no longer be any Dr Pepper. I hope you other ladies will follow suit.

We Need A New Feminism

A lot has been happening lately to prove that women are still not equal to men in our society. Though they are afforded the same rights on paper, women are not treated the same as men. I hear all you critics already: ‘But women are equal! What else do you want?’ These are the same people who will assure you that racial equality also exists. In theory, i.e. before the law, etc., we are all the same. However, in reality, sameness is still more than far away when it comes to peoples’ hearts and minds.

The other day, I read about a T-shirt that was for sale at JCPenney. The shirt read "I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me." Thanks to an outcry of angry parents, the shirts are no longer available for purchase through their stores. However, I read many people’s comments who basically thought that the shirt was harmless and all in good fun.

I’m sure that whoever it was who came up with the slogan for this T-shirt had no bad intentions and truly believed it to be witty and cute. The problem, however, lies in the values that we are teaching our children. Though the message isn’t blatant, it is still very obviously there: It is more important to be physically attractive than intelligent; attractive girls cannot also be intellectually inclined.

Is this really what you want your daughters to think of themselves and others? I know what my answer to that question is, but I am beginning to question other people’s thoughts on the matter. If you don’t see the sexism in this slogan, try picturing it on a shirt for boys. Would such a statement be made about a boy?

A couple of days later, I came across a Yahoo! story on a photo shoot that was done with Heather Morris, one of the stars of the hit TV show ‘Glee’. In these photos, Morris has a huge black eye and is posing with household items, such as an iron, and is wearing fifties-style clothing, suggesting she is a housewife (or homemaker, etc.- just insert whatever term you find least offensive) In one particular photo, her hands are tied with the cord of the iron, and a male hand is pulling on the iron itself, while Morris is grinning into the camera. Click here to see a few of the pics.

Once again, there was an outcry from people who took offense to these photos, upset by the fact that they obviously make fun of domestic violence. The photographer seems oblivious to any such intent, stating that all he wanted to do was “… to do a bruised-up Barbie shoot and that’s exactly what we did!” I’m not sure what the photographer’s explanation of her black eye would have been- maybe she hurt herself while ironing? Either way, I think the photos are in bad taste, to say the least. Not only are they ridiculing abused women, they are also offering some nice material for abusers to look at and admire.

What I think we as women need is a new kind of feminism. Not the old nutty kind where we sit around and talk about silliness, such as making sure we no longer call members of law enforcement policemen or women, but persons or officers (I hope you know what I mean- I couldn’t think of a better example. I went to a German feminist group a few times and had to stop going because all they wanted to talk about was why words such as ‘the chair’ had a male instead of a female article in German…)

We need to start recognizing our awesomeness and make our marks on this world. All the women I know are just amazing superhero-type ladies, who raise their children, take care of their homes, cook, bake, sew, read, never sleep, etc. all while keeping their families together and looking wonderful! Honestly, the responsibilities of the modern woman far exceed any notions of multi-tasking. We are all superwomen and it is time we owned it!

Dear men, please stop looking down on us women because you think your physical strength makes you superior to us. It doesn’t. If you want to see truly amazing physical strength, watch a woman give birth. You may be able to excel on the football field, but we can make new people. True, we need about three seconds of your participation for that, but I am convinced that one day, with the advancement of science, even that will no longer be necessary.

For centuries, women have stood back and let men handle things. I have been wondering, why?; I have come to the conclusion that women just weren’t all that interested in being a part of man’s world before now. Women have had their priorities in other places. Times are changing, though. And I am sure I am not the only one who is tired of having a ‘Women’s History Month’ and special categories on Jeopardy such as ‘Women Writers’. We make up slightly more than half of the world’s population. It’s time we stopped acting like a minority of inferior creatures. Dear ladies, let’s get into politics, let’s get into religious positions, let’s take charge! It is still a man’s world, but it is ours for the taking…

Disclaimer: I am not implying that only women who have children are awesome. ALL women are fantastic in my opinion. Childbearing just stood out to me as an example and I do not intend to hurt or offend anyone.

I am not trying to degrade men. You, too, are awesome. However, you have oppressed women for centuries- millennia, even. We do not want to push you out of the way- all we want is to finally be on the same level as you guys…