The Final Push

Ladies and gentlemen, I am excited! The final week of my husband’s Army career has finally arrived. Tomorrow, A turns in all of his gear. On Wednesday, A has his Final Out, after which he starts his terminal leave. And then that’s it! We’re done! No more working as a soldier.

I am so proud of my husband. He has managed to do this terribly hard job for twenty years and he has done it well. He rarely complains, just does what is demanded of him. I’ve been doing it with him for the past eight years and I know that I could never do the things my husband has done. He is incredible!

As of Wednesday evening, everything will be different for us. After twenty years of having been owned by the US government, my husband will be a free man. For the first time since high school, he will be able to grow his hair out as long as he wants. He will be able to grow a beard and dye it purple, if he wants. There are no more rules, no more restrictions- he can live wherever he wants, work where he wants, do what he wants (within the law, of course…)

This freedom is so exciting and wonderful to me. Endless possibilities! I think A is excited as well, but also a little unsure of how life will go without the protective cloak of the Army around us. I’m not nervous- this is the start of a whole new life and it’s going to be fantastic!

No more calls late at night about soldiers who got arrested/ have been fighting with their spouses/ have been taking drugs, etc. No more getting called in on weekends. No more endless hours of work that nobody even keeps track of because compensation is always the same. No more ruined birthday parties, anniversaries, Christmases. No more 24 hour duties. No more weeks in field exercises. No more fear of deployments or bad assignments.

Liberty!!!

Of course, our life is still going to be unsettled for a few more months. We haven’t sold our house yet. We’re trying to sell at least one of our cars. We haven’t found a new place to live in Florida yet. Or a job/ jobs. There’s going to be a big move with big changes for our little people and animals. It’s going to be a rough time, but also an exciting one.

Either way, it’s going to be OUR time. We call the shots now- we decide where we want to live and how. And that’s why, on Wednesday evening, we will be celebrating. Good riddance, Army!

Andy's Corner: Is It All in Vain?

My husband is not a man who is fond of communication. So I was really surprised when he sent me a Word document and told me that he had a guest post for my blog! My husband is an amazing man and I am very lucky to have him- we will be celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary tomorrow. Please leave a comment and let him know what you think.

I am not a writer, this will become more obvious as you continue to read, but something happened the other day that made me question something and I needed to write about it in order to get it off of my chest. Before I get into the event that encouraged me to write this let me tell you a little bit about myself. I joined the Army when I was 17 and I am due to retire after 20 years of service this September. The job that I performed in the Army is that of an Infantryman. I have served in every leadership position from Infantry Team Leader up to Company First Sergeant. In case you do not know, the Infantry is an all-male force, most of whom are very conservative people. I am not one of those conservative people, not even close. I guess you could say I am an outlier, an observation that is numerically distant from the rest of the data.

 When the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was being debated I supported it because I feel that it is no one’s business what anyone does in their own bedroom. I believe in God, but I do not agree with organized religion, the reason why will become clear as you continue reading. I have served in a combat zone and I have had a Soldier that was under my charge not return home with the rest of us. That Soldier was truly one of the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He was not even supposed to be in the Army when he was killed. He was a stop-loss Soldier, basically someone who was not allowed to leave the Army because the unit he was in was supposed to deploy. When he died he left behind a three year old son whom he loved dearly. I tell you about him because of something that happened Tuesday May 8^th, 2012 and it makes me wonder: Did he die in vain? It is the passing of Amendment One to the Constitution of the state of North Carolina, the state where I grew up. People ask me why I do not want to live in the south when I retire, even though I grew up there, this is one of the major reasons. Not the Amendment itself, but the mentality that it is ok for me to deny other people their rights because my religion says so.

I have always been a very tolerant person and not super conservative like some members of my family. I believe that every American, regardless of sex, age, skin color, height, weight, or sexual orientation, should have the same rights. Obviously the people of North Carolina do not agree with my point of view, which is fine. I think that the world would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same way, but when a group of people force their religious beliefs on every member of a state I just cannot understand it. The Declaration of Independence of the United States of America states “…that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Does this new amendment not do the exact opposite of this oft quoted line of the Declaration of Independence? Did my Soldier die so that one group of people could force their religious beliefs on another group of people that denies them their unalienable rights? I think that he did not die so that this could happen. I think that as long as there are people out there who will fight for everyone’s rights then he did not die in vain. The United States prides itself on having a separation of church and state; this is obviously not the case. I hope that one day every American will have the same rights. I am sure that it will happen one day. When? I do not know. But I know that as long as people are still fighting for equal rights for everyone then my Soldier, and every other Soldier who paid the ultimate sacrifice for their country, did not die in vain.

Our Pursuit of Happiness

I haven’t been writing much lately. For one, because I haven’t had a lot of time to- I have been working a lot, it was my daughter’s third birthday, etc. And also because I have felt a little disheartened by the whole blogging thing. Even when I do write, I don’t seem to get very many readers anymore.

However, the show must go on and I really do love writing, so you’re not going to be rid of me just yet…

My husband’s retirement is approaching fast. We had been desperately trying to decide where to move and what to do. Somehow we just weren’t getting anywhere with our thought-process. So I decided to try looking at this new phase in our lives from a different angle. I asked A to think about what job would really make him happy, something that he would truly enjoy doing. It actually didn’t even take him very long to think about it: Despite his BS in Management and many years of working in a managerial position, he wants to be a motorcycle mechanic!

He looked into different options for school and found a program he liked in Orlando, FL. He applied and was accepted, so we will be moving to Orlando in about four months.

Not exactly what I had expected. Orlando wasn’t even anywhere near any of the places we had considered moving. And with A going to school full time, we will have a lot less money than we do now. But he is going after what feels right to him and that is the most important thing for us right now.

After all, what good is a well paying job if you hate going there? What use is all the money in the world if your husband has to work so much that you never get to spend any time with him?

I think he made a great decision and that he has chosen something he will enjoy doing for years to come. We’ll just spend 18 or so months in Orlando and see where it takes us from there. I am excited!

My USAversary

Today marks the four year anniversary of my arrival in the US. On this day in 2007, I boarded a plane in Frankfurt, Germany with my little dog Amy and flew all the way across the Atlantic Ocean to Atlanta, Georgia. When I arrived in Atlanta, my husband was already waiting for me- he had been in the US for a month while I waited for my visa to be approved.

My little dog, Amy

I was incredibly tired, but managed to stay awake for most of the four hour car ride to our new home. I remember the sun setting while we were driving and how beautiful it was. The house A had picked out for us was so lovely- it exceeded my expectations by a lot! I felt comfortable right away.

Four years later, we have had two children. We have adopted another dog and two cats, bought a house, two new cars, etc. My life has completely changed. It is absolutely fabulous now- much better than I could ever have imagined it. The house we bought has become a home for myself and the wonderful family I have.

Yet somehow, I still don’t feel 100% at ease. I am still a foreigner. While most things have become familiar to me, they tend to still make me marvel at them (some in positive, some in negative ways) I don’t feel like I’m on vacation anymore, like I felt the first year or so, but it still happens that I look around and wonder if I am in a movie or real life.

Like any place, there are things here that I love and things that I hate. There are lots of things I miss about my home town, above all others my family, and there are things that I don’t miss at all and I’m glad I got away from.

I haven’t been back to Europe in over 1 ½ years. I haven’t spent a Christmas at ‘home’ in five years. We are going to try to fly to Germany this Christmas season and I cannot wait! On the other hand, I know it will no longer feel like my home- too much time has passed. For now, South Carolina is where we live and because this is where my husband and children are, I can truly say that it is my home; it's where my heart is.

Retirement On My Mind

This week, my husband received his retirement orders. In eleven months, he will be just a regular civilian. I’ll be honest- I can’t wait! I am insanely happy!

The Army life is an interesting one, there is no doubt about it. You always get to meet lots of new people throughout all the different cultural, intellectual, and economic backgrounds. You get to see new places frequently. You are forced to get out of your comfort zone on lots of levels. And there is no feeling in the world like welcoming home your spouse after being apart for weeks, months, or even a year (or more)!

However, there are so many things I will not miss. I won’t miss my evenings and weekends being ruined by work calls. I won’t miss not being able to plan anything- be it simple things like activities for the following week or more important things such as where our family will be living next year. I won’t miss Army bureaucracy. I won’t miss Army hospitals. I could go on…

My husband has worked his butt off for almost twenty years. People who hear that he will be retiring at 38 are often in disbelief, saying that they wish they could retire after ‘only’ twenty years. My husband has worked more than any civilian person I have ever known. It was normal for him to work 11-12 hour days. It wasn’t unusual for him to work longer. He was sent to the field for three to four weeks at a time without any breaks. He worked almost non-stop for an entire year in Iraq. I am willing to bet you that if we were to sit down and calculate his hours, he would have enough hours to cover a civilian’s 40 year job.

Not to mention the hardships. The physical and emotional toll the Army takes on a person. Instability in the family life is one of the smaller evils. Working under the threat to your own life and the lives of the people around you is something very few people would choose to do.

My husband is awesome! He has worked so hard for us to ensure our financial stability. He deserves this retirement! Sometimes I wonder how hard it will be for him to transition to a ‘regular’ life; a life in the real world, if you will. I think it will be great. I think he’ll love many things about it. I’m sure every once in a while he will miss the Army and reminisce for a while. But overall, I don’t think either of us will have too hard of a time saying good-bye to the Army.

Where We're At

I am just going to write a quick post to get some thoughts out of my head. By the way, while I’m at it, I would just like to say that I am more than capable of writing much higher quality pieces- I had an A in every single writing class I ever took at university, including my journalism classes. I intend on one day writing something truly great. Hopefully I will get to show you all I’ve got. In the meantime, this is what I do for recreational purposes in between diaper changes. I hardly edit at all because I don’t have the time. I am still bitter about not having been chosen as a writer for a local blog. Can you tell?

There, that feels much better! Here is a quick update on our current situation. A’s orders to Louisiana have been deleted! I don’t have to live in the swamp!!! Now we are waiting till the beginning of September, when A can drop his retirement paperwork. If all goes well, we will be retiring from the Army in a little over a year right here in SC. (My use of the word ‘we’ was deliberate- even though it is not my employer, the Army has still been the boss of my family…)

Please keep your fingers crossed for an approved retirement. After 19 years in the Army, it’s time A was allowed to choose where he lives and what kind of job he wants to work in. I can’t wait to see him as a civilian!

Regarding our new home, we have almost decided on a place to move. It looks as though our perfect place will be Germany. Of course we can’t say for certain that we will be moving there next year, but we are planning like we will.

Unfortunately, due to breed restrictions in Europe, we will not be able to take our wonderful dog with us. If you are interested in adopting Morgan, our wonderful Pit Bull (or, as our adoption papers stated, ‘Boxer Mix’), please contact me about her. She is the sweetest dog and I am sad to have to give her up…

Our sweet girl

The doula training is going well. I have already attended the two births required for certification and just have to get the rest of my reading done. Not always easy with two crazy littles, but I’m working on it.

As you see, there’s nothing too terribly exciting on the horizon just yet. Change is coming, though, and I’m ready!

PS: I feel as though my blog isn’t really going anywhere. I would love to make improvements, but am not sure in what department(s). If you have any suggestions, please share them! I would be more than happy to make changes to anything from design to content. Thank you in advance!

Memorial Day as a Day of Peace

My amazing husband guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

Memorial Day is a day of reflection, when the fallen soldiers from all US wars are remembered. Unfortunately, we are not only remembering soldiers that fought many decades ago, we are remembering those who have fallen in combat recently in wars that are ongoing. There are men and women who have died within the past week who need to be remembered…

I cannot imagine the pain and suffering families have to go through who lose their loved ones in a war. I pray that I will never know the feeling. There are so many families in the past few years that have had to say good-bye to their fathers/ mothers/ brothers/ sisters/ husbands/ wives/ sons/ daughters, etc.-  forever.

On this day, I feel as though we should not only remember, but should make a resolution to make this world a more peaceful place. So that our children will spend Memorial Day thinking of soldiers fallen long ago, as opposed to people they went to school with. Let’s make this world a better place to live in. Let’s end the wars and not start new ones.

I know this is utopian, but I honestly wish that there will soon be a Memorial Day on which the US is not fighting any wars. On which there are no families here who are worrying about their deployed loved ones. On which there will be no more freshly grieving families. Is that too much to ask?

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one - John Lennon

Some Thoughts About Being an Army Wife

My husband has been in the Army for almost 19 years now. He was planning on retiring next year. Somehow I had this fantasy that we would be able to stay here until he’s done. Unfortunately, the Army has other plans for us. We are moving to Louisiana in the fall. No offense, dear LA, but I never imagined myself living there.

Apart from the new location that I am not thrilled about, I will have to start my life over. Again. I have worked hard at finding friends here and have found so many wonderful people that I really don’t want to leave behind. There are children here who have basically grown up with my daughter- she recognizes them, asks for them when they’re not there, and tells me that she loves them. I have friends who are pregnant, due after we leave.

I have to turn my back on all these people and move on. The children will keep growing up without my daughter around. Babies will be born that I might not meet until they are toddlers. Of course we will stay in touch with people, but we all know that only a few contacts will stay strong. All the others will slowly wither away as the months and years pass.

I had made some professional plans for my future. I have to turn my back on these now, too, at least for the time being. Because the same opportunities do not exist at our new location.

We will have to put the house on the market and hope that it sells. If it doesn’t, we’ll have to find renters so we can carry the cost. We will have to find a new house in one of the small towns around the Army base.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that, as an Army wife, your needs always come after the needs of the Army. You have to follow your soldier wherever he goes and nobody really cares about what you’re leaving behind. Your own professional life is unimportant. The stability you would like your children and yourself to have is unimportant.

As an Army wife, your purpose is to support your husband in all that he has to do, wherever that may be. It’s hard. Which is why Army marriages are fragile and vulnerable.

However, if you get through all of these things- deployments, moves, horrible assignments, etc.- you will have a strong marriage. A marriage that other people can only marvel at. What ‘regular’ couple ever has to be apart for years at a time?

So, even though I am dreading all these changes, I am grateful that my husband and I are doing it together. My professional life will have to wait a few more years, but will be totally worth it. Hopefully, this will be our last Army adventure. I can’t wait to be just a regular wife…