Vivien the Alien

I’ve never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I am often the weird one, the one who is different from all the others. Mostly, I don’t mind it so much. It has given me a lot of advantages in life. But sometimes, it makes me feel lonely.

My father is German and my mother is Irish. Our household was completely Irish- we spoke only English at home, watched television in English, never ate German food, celebrated holidays according to Irish traditions, etc. So, to most German kids, I was the foreigner. However, when I went to Ireland, I was also the foreigner. I was something in-between, neither really German nor really Irish. Whatever I was, I didn’t fit in with the usual crowd.

Here in the US, I’m just a straight foreigner. I don’t really belong here and I am reminded of that fact at least once a day. While I have blended in really well and my accent is undetectable to most ears, I am still an alien. Most days, I don’t feel weird when I am driving down the roads that look so different from what I grew up with anymore. But something always seems to come up that reminds me of just how different I actually am.

It’s been the same throughout all areas of my life. During my punk phase I looked different from the masses on purpose, yet I didn’t fit in with the punk scene I was in. For example, it was only acceptable to listen to certain types of music, but I never wanted to restrict myself in that way. I still loved rap music and pop and anything else that sounded good. People made fun of me for it. I wasn’t truly one of them.

Politically, I have been left-wing my entire life. It’s what has always felt right to me. I tried to get more involved in the political scene. I found that most people who shared my beliefs were intolerant of everything else. E.g. you couldn’t be progressive and believe in God. Or you couldn’t be a left-wing feminist, but want to have children and get married. I didn’t fit in and left the scene.

Now, in the mommy scene, I’m the odd one out again. I believe in attachment parenting and we practice it at home, which makes me different from the majority of mothers. However, we don’t follow everything to the extreme. We do what works best for our family in every respect. If it fits in with the AP philosophies, great! If not, that’s fine, too. I don’t belong to the extremely crunchy group of mommies, but I also don’t fit in with the broader mass.

Feeling as though you don’t really fit in anywhere is hard sometimes. On the other hand, I’m not willing to compromise on any points that I truly believe in, be it politically or pertaining to my children. I am different than most of you, but you might as well get used to me- I’m not going anywhere and I am most definitely not changing…