Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Pregnancy Envy

I think I am somehow abnormal. (Well, I actually know that I am- in more ways than one…) What I am referring to today is my intense pregnancy envy.
Many of you ladies have experienced the same thing at one time or another in your lives- you see a pregnant woman who just looks beautiful and happy and content and you think to yourself: ‘Wow, I wish that was me!’ Usually women go through this before they have children or after their children are a little older. So why do I feel this way now? I have a seven month old baby, for crying out loud!
Rationally, one of the most inopportune things that could happen to us right now would be to have another baby on the way. I have two children, aged two and seven months- I already have enough to do… I had a c-section, so physically it would not be good for me to have another baby now or anytime in the near future. The financial strain would be unpleasant. Not to mention the fact that my husband does not want any more children.
However, emotionally, I see pregnant women and I am so envious. I want to be able to experience it all again, just one more time. I want to be able to do things a little differently this time- so many improvements I would make. I want to have the natural birth I have been dreaming of. Most importantly, I want a newborn that is all mine. One that looks like my husband sometimes and sometimes like me. One that I can snuggle and cuddle and watch while he/she grows.
There is nothing like having a baby. I am reluctant to close that chapter in my life. For some reason, I cannot imagine what my life will be without a baby in the house. It feels as though I will lose my purpose when that happens. If it were up to me, I might be like Mrs. Duggar and have a baby every year or two. There are so many people who are eager to get out of the baby stage and be done with it. Not me! I’m going to be the weird old lady in the grocery store that talks to the pregnant ladies and tears up…
My babies are growing up so fast, I can’t keep up with it. If I could pause time I would do it in a heartbeat. My children are so wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to me. They are the perfect gifts from heaven. I cherish every moment with them, but somehow time rushes by us, never to return.


  1. There's never a good time to have a baby. I say go for it! Not the answer you were hoping for perhaps. (although I think if you want a VBAC you might have to wait a touch longer, not an expert on this)

  2. Vivien! I have been thinking the same thing.. every time I see a young pregnant woman I think .."just one more".. my husband on the other hand says "no" and has no idea how hurtful that answer is. To simply just shut the door on that chapter of life! I have spent all of Zoe's life at home and actually feel worthless without my children! My kids are now old enough to do things on their own, go places.. heck, Sean is in Germany and Italy all summer long! Zoe knows how to ride her bike, roller skate, ride her scooter.. hook up the sprinkler.. etc.. one thing she's really good at is arguing! But what can I say? I still have that dream of having one more and being happy during my pregnancy NOT miserable and enjoying that newborn/baby stage a little more! Where did the time go? Pretty soon Sean will be off to college.. ugh! The thought of it turns my stomach! Anyway.. What i was trying to say.. don't wait too long to have another one. Mine are 8 years apart.. and yes.. I will still have one at home when the other goes off to college.. but she's miserable without him as am I! What do you do when you feel the empty nest syndrome come on? When your self worth is attached to your ability to bare more children? When you feel like there is nothing else better in the world then that newborn baby.. the nine months of waiting that give you such a joyful gift? And your friend Katie is right! There is never a good time to have another child. People with more children and less money make it work all the time! You can too! ;)

  3. My husband just had a heart attack reading your comments ;-)

  4. I have serious baby envy! I'm pre-pregnancy (we aren't trying yet) so I am definitely of the "I don't know what is involved" stage. But good Lord do I want a baby. It makes me crazy. But I know I should just enjoy the next few months before we start trying. But LORD do I really want to start trying now!!!! (And D only wants 2 although I want 4 ... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it!)