I think I am somehow abnormal. (Well, I actually know that I am- in more ways than one…) What I am referring to today is my intense pregnancy envy.
Many of you ladies have experienced the same thing at one time or another in your lives- you see a pregnant woman who just looks beautiful and happy and content and you think to yourself: ‘Wow, I wish that was me!’ Usually women go through this before they have children or after their children are a little older. So why do I feel this way now? I have a seven month old baby, for crying out loud!
Rationally, one of the most inopportune things that could happen to us right now would be to have another baby on the way. I have two children, aged two and seven months- I already have enough to do… I had a c-section, so physically it would not be good for me to have another baby now or anytime in the near future. The financial strain would be unpleasant. Not to mention the fact that my husband does not want any more children.
However, emotionally, I see pregnant women and I am so envious. I want to be able to experience it all again, just one more time. I want to be able to do things a little differently this time- so many improvements I would make. I want to have the natural birth I have been dreaming of. Most importantly, I want a newborn that is all mine. One that looks like my husband sometimes and sometimes like me. One that I can snuggle and cuddle and watch while he/she grows.
There is nothing like having a baby. I am reluctant to close that chapter in my life. For some reason, I cannot imagine what my life will be without a baby in the house. It feels as though I will lose my purpose when that happens. If it were up to me, I might be like Mrs. Duggar and have a baby every year or two. There are so many people who are eager to get out of the baby stage and be done with it. Not me! I’m going to be the weird old lady in the grocery store that talks to the pregnant ladies and tears up…
My babies are growing up so fast, I can’t keep up with it. If I could pause time I would do it in a heartbeat. My children are so wonderful, the best thing that ever happened to me. They are the perfect gifts from heaven. I cherish every moment with them, but somehow time rushes by us, never to return.