First of all, I am so glad to be able to write whatever I want again. I have had almost a brain blockage because all my weird thoughts had no way to come out. Also, I have learned my lesson and won’t be trying to create a blog hop again any time soon, as my attempt was incredibly unsuccessful.
I had a strange realization yesterday: I don’t have a noticeable accent anymore. The problem with that is that I never had a noticeable accent in the first place. I used to have my mother’s Irish accent, the one I grew up with. Then, I hung around with some English people for a while and tried to perfect an English accent. When I was going out with my boyfriend from Donegal, my mother made fun of me for sounding like I was from Donegal myself. Now I sound just like an American- people cannot tell where I’m from.
Most of you might not think of this as a problem. However, consider this: most people who move to another country in which the same language is spoken do not lose their accents. Irish people who move to England or Scotland or Australia or wherever, really, still mostly sound Irish, even after living in another country for decades. Why is it different with me?
I purposely try to perfect other accents because I enjoy it. However, I also like to just fit in, to not necessarily be the odd one out. I guess I have a really strong desire to be accepted and liked. And actually, that is quite pathetic! Now here I am, with an American accent, but actually Irish/German and not fully belonging anywhere.
Which I can in turn project on my whole life- I love harmony and try to have an amicable relationship with everyone I am in contact with. It kills me when someone doesn’t like me, even if I don’t like the person. So ridiculous! Especially considering my radical opinions on certain topics, such as politics.
All my life, I have had strong opinions and always openly expressed them. However, it really bothered me when people judged or disliked me because of these opinions. And so I often felt unhappy because there were people who didn’t like me.
I’m trying to change that. I want to be more like my husband who couldn’t care less about what people think about him- he is what he is, take it or leave it.
Especially when writing this blog I am exposing a lot of myself and my need to please makes me extremely vulnerable. So, I either have to stop blogging and openly expressing my opinions, or I have to learn to be who I am despite what people may think of me.
Time for me to have an accent!