Wednesday, September 7, 2011

DIY Toddler Juice

A few months ago, I saw an ad for this miraculous juice formulated just for young children. Not only did it contain 100% juice, it also promised to somehow have 40% less sugar than regular juices. I was intrigued. Had they found a super special scientific way to remove sugar from fruit juices? If so, that would be groundbreaking!
I checked out the juice in question at the store. I will not tell you the brand name, but I will say that it may or may not rhyme with ‘Spots for Bots’ (Cunning and not obvious, I know…) So, this wonderful beverage was a little steeper in price than its full-sugar counterparts, but I thought that was fair, considering the scientific work they had done to produce this sensational drink. Also, a renowned pediatrician, whom I really respected, endorses the juice.
As with all other foods and drinks I purchase, I read the ingredient list. I almost fainted! As the company had promised, the juice did in fact contain 40% less sugar than its competitors. Because it was DILUTED!!! Here is how they describe their own beverage to customers on their website: “We've blended delicious juice with purified water and 100% vitamin C…”
Are you friggin’ kidding me?!? Are you telling me that you would like consumers to pay more for the juice that you have thinned out with water?!? Ridiculous! An absolute impertinence, I thought to myself. Nobody will ever buy it.
But people are buying it. Parents everywhere are trying to do something good for their children and give them a lower sugar alternative to juice. They are purchasing this rubbish because they don’t usually read labels and they don’t know that they’re being played by this major corporation and swindled out of their hard earned money.
In my opinion, this is unacceptable and immoral. So, I am going to help you make your own toddler juice. It’s very simple: Buy regular apple juice or other juice of your choice; fill your child’s glass or cup with 60% of the juice (a little less than 2/3); fill up the remaining 40% with water. Voila! You have now created a juice that contains 40% less sugar.
Of course, if you do not have enough time to make your own, go ahead and buy the expensive diluted juice. However, if you are like me, I would rather never drink juice again than give my money to these dishonest con-artists. I am choosing to make my own- I hope you will, too! Maybe I’ll even develop a new formula with 50% less sugar! It will be a groundbreaking invention that will earn me millions of Dollars…


  1. My husband is an apple juice addict. One day, this was the only option at the grocery store. Not knowing that it was just diluted juice, I bought it. He thinks its still great. (yeah, i don't know, but, whatever).

    The good thing is... now I can continue to buy regular apple juice, dilute it, and put it in our old "spots for botts" bottle. he'll never know the difference.

    less sugar

    less money

    win. win.

  2. Lmao! You're not even charging us a consulting fee! What mega win! <3