I love writing. I love my blog. Unfortunately, I feel as though it is stuck in a hole, as if my writing hasn’t grown at all since I started blogging.
I have mostly been blogging about the things I feel most passionately about- parenting, breastfeeding, etc. However, limiting myself to this subject seems to have hindered me in my development. I continue to write about my opinions on the things I care about most without paying too much attention to the style of writing or the quality thereof. It feels as though I keep running in circles.
Furthermore, publishing so much information about myself and my family, as well as my sensitivity to criticism, have left me at times feeling naked and vulnerable. People I haven’t spoken to in a year know exactly what I’ve been up to because they were able to read it on the blog. People I have never met think they know exactly what type of person I am, categorizing me as arrogant and self-centered. I thought I wouldn’t mind a bit of transparency in my life, but I do.
Recently, I was involved in a FB discussion (I know, I spend way too much time on there…) regarding bloggers. Someone pointed out how blogging is such a thankless job, as you spend lots of time devoted to doing it without much of a compensation (if any) Then someone chimed in saying that this didn’t always apply- there were lots of bloggers out there who are good at what they do and are making money doing it. That hit me hard. Not because I need or want money or because I need the validation, but because I am unsuccessful at what I have been doing.
Since my blogging journey began, I have seen many new bloggers emerge. Some of them kind of gave up again. Others now have incredibly successful blogs. They are paid to do this. They are asked to write for other websites and are compensated accordingly. All the while, I am still doing the same thing I did three years ago (or however long it has been) with the exact same results and hardly any readers.
I tried to tell myself that not everyone can be successful. Just like e.g. in the world of music, some people never make it big despite having incredible talent (sometimes I think that my singing is actually miles better than my writing, but that’s another story) I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t my fault, that the others were just lucky. The truth is: I haven’t tried hard enough! I haven’t progressed, I haven’t bettered myself. I have let my writing fall into a casual style, charged with emotions and opinions.
It’s hard to admit that my blog is not good. I try to cling to the few voices who have given me heart felt praise, telling myself that at least some of the time, my writing is pretty decent.
Please don’t mistake this for a pity-party or some sort of scheme to fish for compliments. There are none needed and I know what the reality is. I am also not going to announce that I will stop blogging altogether.
With our impending move to Florida, I feel as though the change that is in the air should be allowed to take affect on more than just our location. I want to try to get away from the writing I have been doing and start to really challenge myself and work at this. I have a few ideas that are simmering in my head that will hopefully help me to improve my writing and my blog. Please stay tuned!